


Pretty Darn Good

by yeolinski



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Awkward First Times, Barebacking, Bigger age gap between Seongwoo and Daniel, Bottom Ong Seongwoo, Casual Sex, Daniel has a giant dick, Experienced Seongwoo, Explicit Sexual Content, Fuckbuddies, Getting Together, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Misunderstandings, Porn with Feelings, Rimming, Virgin Daniel, general ongniel awkwardness, many sexual adventures, slight edging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-01 22:41:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15783591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeolinski/pseuds/yeolinski
Summary: “If it makes you feel better, I didn’t know how to go about hitting on girls, either.” He adds.“How are you all that—” Seongwoo gestures with his chopsticks at Daniel’s direction. “But not actually all… that. Where does all this confidence comes from?”“Must be my one in a million, bomb dick.” Daniel teases, as he sips his own beer.“I knew you didn’t need the ego boost.”Or the one where Daniel loses his virginity, has a butt load of casual sex (pun intended), and develops way too much feelings along the way.





	Pretty Darn Good

**Author's Note:**

> entry to prompt number 72; "daniel is a virgin and ong introduce him to the world of casual sex and maybe things happened"

Daniel loses his virginity to Seongwoo’s mouth.

Oral sex is still sex, right?

Pretty darn good by his book.

It’s the first proper time somebody handles his dick, other than a few hurried, dry handjobs; although he did a few things during the summer with his ex-girlfriend, it was obvious she wasn’t awfully interested in satisfying _his_ sexual needs - she’d always complain about how Daniel wouldn’t fit into her mouth, or how it smells, or things of that sort, and at some point, Daniel just sorta stopped asking.

Seongwoo is definitely very different.

Different is an understatement.

He pushes him into the wall while they’re kissing, drops down to his knees and pulls his sweatpants down. Just like that. His dick had never been exposed in such ways, especially when it’s chilly, so Daniel squeaks when the cool air hits his balls, and looks around to make sure nobody can see them. When he looks back, Seongwoo is staring - _admiring -_ the view of his dick before taking him in whole.

To be frank, Daniel was positive that sort of thing only happens in porn. It’s so good, unlike anything he ever felt before, his mouth is so warm and soft, that Daniel is coming on the fifth time Seongwoo’s mouth goes down on him, clutching onto the brick wall behind him with his nails.

He’s embarrassed to death; cheeks and ears flushed, heartbeat in his throat. He can last out much longer than that, any given day, but he had to choose today to be the ‘one minute man’. Fuck everything to hell.

Seongwoo pulls away, and Daniel’s cock just wetly pops out of his mouth, and there’s a trail of cum down his chin, which he tries to lick away with his tongue when he looks up to meet his eyes.

“That was fast,” He’s unimpressed, but doesn’t look too annoyed, which Daniel is thankful for - but when Seongwoo looks down, and he looks hungry; “You’re still hard as a rock, though.” He pumps his dick his hand, looking up to meet his eyes; “Can I have another go?”

Daniel nods.

Fuck, he’s just so eager, so willing - it’s much more sloppier than he imagined it, and Seongwoo keeps on making those noises with the back of his throat, that Daniel feels on his cock.

It’s so obscene.

His mouth is hot and wet, and when he licks up the length of cock, as if it’s a lollipop, he stares Daniel right in the eyes, smiling cheekily. Daniel shudders.

Porn just doesn’t prepare you for Ong Seongwoo, what the fuck.

Daniel holds out longer - much longer than he thought he will; using the last bits of his will power and sanity. His thighs shake when Seongwoo teases him with his tongue, switching between his mouth and his hand, nipping at his cock with his lips and tapping it on his wet tongue and mouth, almost as if he’s playing with it.

It’s the sexiest thing Daniel had ever experienced, and he had watched a shit load of porn during the first semester of his college, to be able to say this with confidence.

When he’s coming, his vision swims. He can literally see _stars_. He slides down on the wall, breathing haggard, feeling utterly wasted.

Seongwoo is still swallowing, wiping his chin and mouth with the back of his hand before licking it off. Then he leans down and gives him a short kiss on the lips. “Good?”

Daniel pulls him in for a longer kiss, tasting himself in his mouth. Fuck that just gives him chills all over.

“I thought we were actually going to get more booze.”

“We are.” Seongwoo says, and looks down; “Damn, again?” He’s touching his dick again, fiddling with the opening of his penis with his thumb. It’s a bit more sensitive now, but Daniel can’t help but want to have another go on his mouth. He wants to have a million more.

It’s nothing like he had imagined it. It’s so much fucking better.

“Whose fault is that?” He accuses softly, understanding his voice still sounds out of breath.

“Your genetics? Normal people would have a rough time getting such a big dick up for a third time in 20 minutes, jesus.”

“Truth to be told…” He stops when Seongwoo looks up to him. It’s getting dark, but it’s still light enough to be able to tell that his hair is still damp from shower. He literally just arrived to the faculty get-together, and was already ordered to do some responsibilities as the Sophomore sunbae. Fuck, a sophomore just sucked his dick.

“I… uh… never done this before. It’s my first time.”

“Yeah, right.” Seongwoo snorts, but trails off when Daniel doesn’t laugh or says ‘Just joking’.

“Oh.” he says, and removes his hand from his dick. “Wait - seriously? Not even with— girls—?”

“Ugh, not really…? I had a girlfriend during last summer, but the furthest we went is me fingering her—” He stops talking, because now he’s just oversharing, and Seongwoo probably didn’t need to hear all the details.

The point came across though - Daniel is still a virgin even though he had just turned 20, which is pretty embarrassing, but somehow, never really been a cause of worry until that very moment.

It’s not like Seongwoo is frowning; in fact he’s not wearing any expression on his face.

They both hear some voices, and Seongwoo peeks behind the electricity closet that hides them from the street and says; “We should head out.” He tucks his dick back into pants, as if Daniel couldn’t do it himself; “We still have to buy some beer.”

Which Daniel definitely agrees with. Any other topic of conversation other than that is good with him.

 

.

 

It’s so odd and mundane, they just walk into a liquor store and buy a bunch of beer packs and soju bottles for the small get-together of the faculty; Seongwoo talks with the mouth that he just sucked him off with, and pays with the hands that were just on his dick, and it’s all Daniel can really think about.

Back at the party, it’s a bit more obvious they are no longer hooking up, or at least - pretending they’re not?

Seongwoo is surrounded with his own friends, drinking beer from a red cup, and laughing about somebody else’s jokes, and Daniel can’t stop looking at him.

Seongwoo always made him feel like a puny little freshmen way out of his league, and undoubtedly, that’s who he is, so it makes the blowjob he just gave him feel like some elaborate daydream he had made up in his head.

He’d been coming onto him aggressively the past few weeks, since they started working together on the project. Daniel’s palms would get sweaty, and his stomach would coil in fright and anticipation.

Now that it actually happened, Daniel can’t even fall asleep, so he sends him a text - asking him if he got home yet. He was tipsy when he was leaving, but his buddy Jisung seemed to be handling it well, so he didn’t want to be extra and offer help or something.

It’d be odd, because even two weeks ago, they weren’t this close.

It’s not like they already signed a contract to stay exclusive boyfriends, or anything. Daniel should just play it cool.

Seongwoo leaves him on _read_.

At first, Daniel thinks maybe he saw the message but was too drunk to reply, but it’s obvious he’s avoiding him when they meet up back with the team.

No eye contact, no more random hand touches or flirting. He used to send him texts even though they were sitting across the table from each other, and that would feel so _mischievous_ , like they’re doing something they shouldn’t be, especially if the text would be a bit dirtier in context.

There’s nothing of that sort, either. And he leaves soon after they finish up their assignments, and refers to him as “one of the freshman” to the other Sophomore that’s assigned to them, instead of “Daniel” or “Niellie” like he did the past two days before that. It’s obvious he wants back on the Sunbae-Hoobae relationship they were on, so Daniel decides not to push it.

He got turned off by Daniel’s inexperience - but Daniel wasn’t going to lie about it, and he would’ve told him that eventually, so he’s actually relieved this went down early, instead of too late.

It still fucking sucks, though, because Daniel is just… so into him, now. It’s hard to just stop thinking about it. Especially when he had nothing else to compare it with.

It’s not until one of the freshmen really messes up that they stay alone again. She actually makes a scene and cries, because the numbers didn’t add up on her reports, and it made a running mistake with the reports afterwards. The other sophomore offers to take her out and console her (because literally everybody knew they were maybe hooking up). They both just don’t come back. Daniel vaguely understands that he sends a text, to which Seongwoo clicks his tongue to, before going back to the papers. The other girl has late evening classes, so she leaves. Jihoon is eyeing him over the papers nervously because he got a _thing to do_ , and when Daniel makes faces at him, mouthing ‘stay’ at him, he says; “You also got a thing, don’t you? The civil engineering 101 assignment? Remember? We didn’t finish it yet.”

“Right.” Daniel says.

Seongwoo glances between the both of them, and snorts, because he isn’t as dumb as Jihoon would like to think he is. “It’s fine. It wasn’t your mistake, after all. You can go. No hard feelings.” He glances at his clock, before collecting their papers into a neat pile. “The library closes at 10, right? Still plenty of time to go.”

Daniel feels like shit about it all the way down the stairs while Jihoon is saying how Seongwoo-hyung is the best Sunbae ever, and then all the way to the dorm, when he’s alone.

Fuck.

It’s going to be awkward, but he’ll hate himself more if Seongwoo would be staying up until closing hour for a mistake he didn’t even do on a _friday_ night. It’s just not right.

Seongwoo is still exactly there where they left him, face in his hand, circling numbers and going back to the calculator to finish the job.

He said before that he’s not awfully good in math, too. Daniel still wishes people told him architecture major isn’t just about painting nice houses and selling them. He thinks Seongwoo is probably thinking the same.

He puts the coffee cup on the table, and Seongwoo looks up, startled.

Daniel puts his bag back down and sighs, dragging a few of papers off his stack to his side of the table.

“Thanks.” Seongwoo says and sips from the coffee. “But you really don’t have to stay, dude. You can go. It’s fine.”

“The other sophomore should be helping you.” Daniel says; “It’s kind of an asshole move that he bailed.”

“He had a thing to do, too.” Seongwoo says and smiles when Daniel looks up to see his expression; “And he’d be okay with a C. In all honesty, I would be okay with a C, too, about now. But it kind of sucks, because I think the work we did was pretty good.”

He’s the first one to look away, when they stare at each other for a moment too long.

It’s so awkward that he almost cringes - but he can’t help but… Ong Seongwoo is just an attractive dude. Probably the most attractive person he met.

And it’s not because he’s just handsome - there’s just something about him, that makes the back of Daniel’s head scream “I want that!” and it echoes into every corner of of his body, from the tips of his fingers to his crotch.

They work in silence mostly, but it’s overall not _that_ unpleasant. Daniel is convinced nothing about Seongwoo can be unpleasant. Even being awkward with him is tolerable.

Every time Daniel glances at him, he’d be nibbling at his lips or the end of his pen.

By eight pm the pen looks chewed, and Daniel is slightly hungry; hungry enough to make a series of loud, involuntary gurgling sounds in the quiet of the library.

Seongwoo snorts, stapling anew the paper stacks they re-printed earlier, now correct and finished; “We’re almost done.” He says; “How about we head to the new chicken place, afterwards? I’m paying.”

“That’s not really ...  necessary. It’s my project, too.”

Seongwoo glances at him after he says that but Daniel keeps his eyes on the leftover work.

“Are you… uh… still mad? About _that_?”

Only then Daniel raises his eyes at him, because he wasn’t expecting an actual conversation about it to occur.

He avoids his eyes and rubs his neck, but his body is still turned toward Daniel, so the conversation is still happening.

“Not really.” Daniel says, and it’s the truth. He wasn’t exactly angry, at any point, just disappointed. (And maybe a little sad. Maybe not a little. Maybe ‘ _buying a bucket of ice cream and watching a marathon of the avengers’_ sort of sad.) “I mean, I get it. Kinda. It’s a turn off.”

“That’s not why—” Seongwoo pauses and hesitates for a moment; “It’s not a turn off.” he says, eventually, then looks around. It’s a bit more abandoned now, considering the late hour, but he still leans in a bit closer; “Look, I love dick. And you have a _bomb_ dick. Like _real quality_ dick. One in a million, okay. Not that you need an additional ego boost - but just… the shape of it;” He makes hand movements; “And the thickness, man, that’s just beautiful. I mean, I don’t want to reinforce stereotypes, but dicks around here don’t come that big. If it weren’t so inappropriate, I’d probably take a picture of it and frame it in my dorm room.”

“Oh my god.” Daniel laughs, because he doesn’t know how else to react.

What the fuck. He hides his face, because he feels his cheeks and ears literally going on fire.

“So - trust me, I don’t give a shit about… the inexperience thing. They trained monkeys to ride bicycles, teaching a dick to fulfil a role it had been evolutionarily conditioned for can’t be that hard. So trust me when I say, it’s not you. It’s me.” He staples another stack, after lining it up neatly.

“Then…?” Daniel urges; “Why?”

“Because—” He sighs, and sounds exasperated; “I’m just not looking for a commitment right now. And… first times should be… I don’t know. Special. And stuff. With a person you actually like and want to be with. Not just some dude you barely know.”

Daniel just nods and goes back to his paper. That makes sense.

And in a way, he wants that. A romantic first time. Not ‘candles and scattered rose petals on the bed’ kind of romantic, he’s not that cheesy, but he always thought about taking his girlfriend some place nice for the weekend, not some cheap hotel with barely washed sheets, but maybe the countryside, or somewhere closer to the beach.

But it’s not really a priority anymore?

Somehow that innocent magic of the first relationship faded. It’s just something that could’ve been nice if it happened. But they broke it off before that, and although Daniel wasn’t awfully affected by it, the girls that had followed her, hadn’t piqued his interest all that much, too. It’s not that he was saving himself for marriage; Jaehwan would drag him out of the house of weekends, and Daniel would drunkenly make out with one girl or another, if she was coming onto to him too aggressively, but it wasn’t like he was actively looking to start a relationship with somebody. He was no longer looking forward to have a weekend at a hotel near a beach, for romantic evening walks on the beach, hand in hand. He was no longer imagining taking clothes off of each other slowly, between kisses, in a dimmed room.

In a way, the more he thinks about it… the more he wishes he hadn’t just accepted Seongwoo’s words right there. He could’ve said something.

Anything. Something along the lines of _I don’t really care about that_. Anything other than a nod, would have sufficed. But it occurred to him only later, and by then it’d be too weird to suddenly mention it, especially when they’ve already moved to other topics.

 

.

 

They sit in a small family restaurant, right outside campus, that’s filled with the brim with hungry students. It is Friday night, after all. It’s so noisy and crowded, that Daniel barely hears himself thinking as they sit down. Seongwoo knew one of the waitresses so she gave them a corner table. It’s pretty nice.

“I can’t believe she needed to cry to actually get his attention. He totally bought it by the way. Also used it as an excuse for bailing.” Seongwoo comments on their teammate and takes a long sip from his beer, with a sour face. “The way straight people hook up is weird.”

“I’m half-straight, I guess, but I’m not going to argue that.” Daniel flips the meat on the grill with the chopsticks.

Seongwoo narrows his eyes at him; “Half-straight? What’s that? Sounds contagious.”

“I mean,” Daniel snorts; “ _Bi_ , I guess.” He never actually discussed it with anyone.

Jaehwan once asked him, and he just said that he likes both guys and girls, and that was probably the furthest he went about talking about his sexuality.

“Oh god.” He’s nibbling at a piece of meat, even though it’s still a bit raw; “Let me guess, you never considered guys before the Great Ong Seongwoo happened.”

“Nah, don’t give yourself _all_ the credit. I knew I liked boys too since high-school. Just… didn’t know how to go about it.”

Seongwoo is giving him a knowing look over his beer.

“If it makes you feel better, I didn’t know how to go about hitting on girls, either.” He adds.

“How are you all that—” He gestures with his chopsticks at Daniel’s direction. “But not actually all… _that_. Where does all this confidence comes from?”

“Must be my one in a million, _bomb_ dick.” Daniel teases, as he sips his own beer.

“I knew you didn’t need the ego boost.” Seongwoo fills his own plate with a few meat pieces, really quickly, almost as if he’s scared Daniel is going to take his portion. His fingers are nimble and fast, which is kinda cute.

Daniel puts more meat on the grill.

“So how does that work?”

“What does?” He says with full mouth, cheeks stuffed with food.

“The _no commitment_ thing.”

“It’s called casual sex. Not _No-commitment thing_. Though I think that material might be too hardcore for people your age.”

“You’re two years older.”

“And you’re clueless as fuck. Not everybody you lock lips with is going to be your boyfriend. You’re not in second grade kansas anymore.”

“I know, I know…” Daniel finishes chewing his one chewy bits. “I’m just curious. Is there also a no-cuddle policy? So you don’t catch feelings? What are the rules? Are you allowed to have sex with the same person twice?”

“This is why Jisung has a no-freshmen code; I knew there was a logical reason to it. Listen bud, it’s really not that complicated. Dicks are nice. I like dicks. What I don’t like is some dude breathing down my neck telling me who I should or shouldn’t meet because he’s insecure.”  Seongwoo takes the other portion of the ready meat to his plate; “There’s literally are no rules. I’m also don’t have a big checklist of guys I already did. I don’t sleep with every guy I meet. This isn’t some hollywood movie. I think you’re kinda funny, and cute. You also have a big dick. Noticed it inside your sweatpants when the teams were assigned. Wanted to see if it tastes as good as normal dick. That’s all there is to it.”

Daniel bites the inside of his cheek because that’s just plain fucking hot. And he says it so casually, when there’s tons of people around them, like it’s just a part of normal conversation. Seongwoo continues eating, like it’s nothing, filling his plate with some side dishes.  

“Does it?”

“Does it what?”

“Taste good.”

Seongwoo looks up to him and takes his time to finish chewing before finally answering; “Tastes _phenomenal_.”  

Well. Fuck.

“ _I really enjoyed the meal_.” He adds, using a polite old-fashioned phrase that’s used mostly for table manners, something along the lines of ‘thanks for the meal’ and Daniel tries to stop the chill running down his body.

His throat feels dry; “Well, you’re always welcomed for more.”

Seongwoo hums and continues eating; “Maybe when you grow up. Some more. Get deflowered.”

“ _Ah_ , I wish I wasn’t such a virgin.” Daniel jokes dramatically, and Seongwoo steals some meat from his plate.

They’re making out in some alleyway that leads to the dormitory right after they leave the restaurant. Daniel is actually proud they made it to a darker place, because he was ready to kiss him in the restaurant.

He tastes of the seasoned pork they just ate, and strangely of excitement, even though that’s not the first time they’re kissing.

And fuck, Daniel wants him.

Almost intensely so.

Now that they’re doing it again, and it’s no longer a surprise, he realizes that he had never wanted his ex like that - or literally anybody else. It almost feel like hunger, but darker, deeper, located lower in his abdomen.

They sway a little from side to side, lazily, even though the alleyway is leading up to a main street. Seongwoo’s hands are on his jacket, and Daniel can tell by the way he kisses back - readily, like he was waiting for him to make a move - that he wants him back.

Seongwoo’s back hits a wall at some point, though it’s not exactly as if Daniel pushed him onto it - and he draws away, leaning his head against it in a soft knock; “We really shouldn’t,” He says when Daniel is peppering kisses on his chin and jaw and nose, because he can’t really stop. All the places he noticed and wanted to kiss while they were eating.

“ _Daniel_ ,” Seongwoo says, and Daniel gives him one last deep kiss, thinking that’s it, but Seongwoo kisses back, fitting his hands around him inside his jacket. His hands are probably cold.

Daniel can kiss him forever - and it makes him a bit heady that Seongwoo doesn’t stop either, his hands climb up and down his back underneath his jacket, and pull a little at his sweatshirt if Daniel goes too fast or too intense.

When they finally break apart, mostly for air, Seongwoo says; “Enough,” and gives him a smaller, wet kiss, which Daniel follows up with another one.

“ _Stop_.” He’s not pushing him away though, which makes him laugh softly.

“Why are you kissing back, then?”

“Because I have zero self-control.”

It makes Daniel laugh against his lips.

They only separate when somebody passes by them; they don’t really pay attention to them, it’s not like they’re the only couple who half-drunkenly makes out in a dark alley on friday night - so they aren’t too hurried to pull away from the wall.

When they reach a crossroad that should lead them to different dormitories, they keep on standing there, like two douches, finding excuses to touch each other.

“We are not doing _this_.” Seongwoo is saying, shaking his head when Daniel is interlacing their fingers again for the third time - and although he says that, he makes no attempt to remove his hand, and it makes Daniel nibble at his lip.

“We’re not doing anything, we’re just standing here.”

“We’re being icky. And I told you why it won’t work, but you’re already performing het courting rituals on me.” He lifts the hand that’s interlaced to Daniel’s to prove a point and makes him laugh. He squeezes his hand, and pulls him a little closer for a quick peck, before drawing back.

Seongwoo snorts; “I’m serious. I’m not sure what cute little scenerio your virginal brain has already envisioned, but I’m not ready for a half-straight marriage.”

“Did I half-straight ask you?”

Seongwoo can’t help but find that funny, and it makes Daniel grin. “Fuck,” He says, looking elsewhere and nibbling at his lip. “I seriously have no discipline.”

“Maybe I should discipline you. Alexa, google disciplining methods.”  

“Alexa, show Daniel the route to the nearest elementary school, where he belongs.”

“Alexa, remind Seongwoo how big my dick is.”

He punches him lightly on the chest with his other hand, laughing. “We’re outside, you can’t call alexa here. So ha. I’m not fun at parties. ”

“Awww, but last party was totally fun. Because you sucked my dick. My one in a million dick.”

“What is the game plan, here? Wear me down by mentioning your dick.”

“Why? Is it working?”

“No. But you get a badly drawn star that says ‘you tried’ in comics sans.”

“And a kiss?”

Seongwoo humours him with another peck on the lips. “But now you’re going home. And forgetting this ever happened.”

“Yes. Okay. I can do that. For a blowjob.”

“ _Stop_.”

When he reaches to the dorm, he’s not even sure what he’s feeling beside the desperate need to jack off.

He’s hard as hell, and he can’t stop thinking about Seongwoo, it’s all his head is even able to process. His fingers, his touch, his lips, his kisses, the way he smiles - the way he _thinks_ , how witty he is, how Daniel couldn’t even stop smiling for the last hour.

He’s already touching himself, before the door even clicks into place behind him, and leans down heavily in it.

He toys with his phone for a minute, he probably doesn’t need too much visual aid at this point, but he can’t help but open the kakaotalk chatroom with Seongwoo.

He wants to text him, because they were both slightly tipsy from too much beer, to make sure he made it to his dorm, but last time he did that, Seongwoo left him on _read_ , and he’s kind of scared that he might do the same, just so Daniel doesn’t expect too much.

He doesn’t need to mull over this issue for too long.

**Seongwoo: send me a dick pic.**

The fact that he didn’t even bother asking him if he got home is fucking hilarious. But Daniel doesn’t need to get ask twice.

He never actually took a picture of his own dick, so he contemplates on the angle and if he should hold it or leave it hanging out of his pants like that.

**Seongwoo: what’s taking so long**

**Seongwoo: hurry**

**Self: What’s the magic word**

**Seongwoo: Hocus Cockus**

**Self: that’s not it**

**Seongwoo: send me the dick pic, daniel**

**Self: what is this for? Do you want to save it as your wallpaper?**

**Seongwoo: I’m horny as fuck**

**Seongwoo: Please**

So Daniel sends it, then gets off on the fact that Seongwoo is touching himself while he touches himself. He cums so hard, imagining Seongwoo begging for it, he’s literally shaking for a few minutes afterwards.

 

.

 

Daniel is flatout obsessed.

He knows he shouldn’t be, but there’s all those cute little details, tiny little quirks about Seongwoo that drive him insane.

He’s highly addictive, extremely sensual, and crazy attractive.

At the back of his head it keeps gnawing at him, eating him alive that he can’t have him whole, but for now - for now it just fits.

He’s sure he can do it. It can’t be that hard.

It’s not like he’s been in an actual relationship long enough to actually get used to how relationships are. It’s fine.

They can barely keep their hands off of each other, anyway. It’s so hard to resist now that he knows he’s allowed to do whatever he wants; especially when they’re in public or with their group - it feels like a torture.

Daniel just wants to touch him all the time, even when they’re already touching, which is borderline insane.

He knows it’s insane.

He knows he’s about to get hurt.

But he keeps doing it.

It doesn’t help that Seongwoo is just as enthusiastic about him, as he is about Seongwoo. He encourages it.

All he wants to do is to go out with Seongwoo, even if they don’t do shit and mess around at the arcade. Seongwoo is so shit at racing games - or literally any game, ever. Maybe he’s good at doing hoops with the basketball game, but that’s about it. So they do this game, that whenever Daniel wins, he gets to ask whatever question he wants. He gets to ask a lot of questions.

Seongwoo is chewing on a lollipop stick by the time he asks whether Seongwoo likes being a top or a bottom. Seongwoo hums, his eyes trailing down his body until they find Daniel’s crotch; “I guess I can top and bottom, depends —” he says distractingly, but then reaches out to Daniel’s crotch, grabbing him softly right there, in the middle of the arcade, with kids and teens all around them; “ — but not you. I’d like to feel all of that inside of me, first. Then... we’ll see.” He drops his hand, then looks around, just to make sure nobody noticed them, and nobody did, and leans in for a soft kiss, before pointing at another game; “Let’s do that one next.”

Daniel is so hard for the remainder of the evening, that Seongwoo graciously gives him a handjob in the booth of the restaurant. Twice.

 

.

 

It takes them three weeks. In all honesty, Daniel is a bit surprised they hold out that long from going all the way, until they’re actually going all the way - and then he can’t believe it’s actually happening.

The final act.

His actual _official_ virginity.

The dick-in-the-butt kind.

Except it’s not the glorious experience he imagined it being.

It’s a horrible, _terrible_ mistake.

Daniel is just embarrassed and worried, by the time they finish with foreplay and prepping, he’s already all red and sweating. He put the lube before he put on the condom, and he must have found some cheap kind, because he and Seongwoo try on five condoms, until one actually fits in without breaking or rolling up, or doing some dumb stuff Daniel never saw any condom ever doing in porn or youtube tutorials.

And Seongwoo just has to be careful and nice to him,  constantly instructing him, giving him tips and guiding his hands where they should be. Daniel is definitely not a natural at this.  Seongwoo wouldn’t get angry, and takes everything lightly, and keeps on asking if Daniel wants to stop and continue some other time. Daniel is so frustrated in getting himself through it, that he isn’t even able to enjoy Seongwoo properly, because he keeps on thinking about video toturials from pronhub, or making sure Seongwoo is feeling good, and if _this hole is the right hole_ , until Seongwoo tells him, half-laughing; “There is literally no other hole, Daniel.”

Even when he comes, it feels forced; his orgasm is weak and he feels numbed out, like he exerted himself.

They snuggle for an hour or so, but he can’t even doze off, because he just couldn’t stop thinking about how incompetent Seongwoo probably thinks he is.

To top it off, Seongwoo abruptly gets up and remembers he actually invited some friends over for a poker night, which just sounds like the dumbest excuse ever to make him leave, so Daniel doesn’t even have the chance to go at it again or improve himself. At the door, Daniel couldn’t help but ask; “Was it really bad bad?” And Seongwoo gives him a quick kiss, still in the process of finding a clean shirt and says; “Dummy. I’ve had way worse, and it wasn’t even their first time. Go already.”

When he arrives back to the dorm, realizing that Seongwoo didn’t even get to cum, he’s just sort of devastated, and can’t sleep.

Seongwoo is probably not going to call him.

If they had been in an actual relationship; it would’ve been fine, because there was some sort of commitment binding them together, even if Daniel got a complete and utter failing mark on performance.

He’s never having sex again, he decides.

That’s what he tells Seongwoo when he texts him a “wanna come over?” two days later.

Seongwoo sends him “roll safe” meme that says “ _can’t be bad at sex, if you never have any_ ”.

It’s so cheeky, especially because he knows how panicked and worried Daniel was, and then he got shoved out of the door like he’s yesterday’s garbage.

But Daniel adores that.

**Self: I’m coming over, but no funny business.**

**Seongwoo: scouts honor, your virtue is safe with hyung**

The funny business start at the door, and moves to the couch. When Seongwoo finally breaks away from his lips to take off his shirt, Daniel has that nasty feeling at the back of his head - like this is his second chance, and he shouldn’t fuck this up - and he already knows he’s going to fuck this up again.

Except Seongwoo lifts his face up; “Daniel,” He says it more softly than what Daniel would’ve expected, holding onto his cheeks, and plops onto his lap; “Stop focusing about what you’re doing wrong. You’re doing great. Your monstrous dick is somehow hard, despite his size, so you did your job. Now —  you get to focus on me.”

And that… really does make a difference. It also helps a little that Seongwoo’s on top of him and gets the reins to do what he wants.

They just make out for a bit, easy and soft, and every once in awhile, Seongwoo would roll his hips down, teasingly, making them both moan.

And it comes a bit more naturally then; he knows to run his hands down the long curve of his body, press his waist to him, and when Seongwoo picks up the pace, grinding and moaning softly into his ear as he holds onto his shoulder, Daniel knows to shove his hands underneath his waistband, and cup his ass in his hands.

Fuck that feels good, to just spread his little buttcheeks with his hands.

Seongwoo is surprised at first, drawing back a little to look at Daniel, and Daniel feels surprised himself.

“Okay…?” He asks, as if to confirm this is okay.

“Yes, okay.” He bites onto his lip, when Daniel pulls at his butt again, moving him closer to his crotch. “ _Fuck_ , okay.” He throws his head back a little, exposing his neck as he does, and Daniel doesn’t need to be asked twice to suck on the tender skin there.

They still fumble a bit with the condom until it tears, so Seongwoo opens a new one, tearing the package with his teeth, before spitting it out, then coming in for another long kiss, raising up to his knees.

He sinks in slowly, burying his face into Daniel’s hair, his nails digging into the skin on his shoulder. He’s so incredibly tight around his cock; Daniel has to wonder if it had been like that the first time around too, and he just didn’t notice because he was busy with everything else.

When he’s fully in, Daniel adjusts them both - just a bit a shift - and Seongwoo hisses slightly, holding onto his shoulders; “Wait,” He says, and he’s a bit breathless and red up until his neck; “Just give me a moment.”

“You okay…?” Daniel feels dumb asking it, but it feels like something’s wrong. Seongwoo nods hurriedly; “Without proper stretching, it’s a bit— went a bit deeper because of the position, too.”

“Is it painful…?”

Seongwoo snorts a little, and buries his face in his neck; “If I say it, it’ll get to your head. You don’t need the ego boost.”

Daniel showers his face with kisses, and when he starts moving, it’s really gently at first, almost like he’s just adjusting to Daniel’s cock anew.

And it’s so easy - so easy to just focus on him, that Daniel has no idea how he didn’t do it the first time. He helps him regulate the pace, supporting him when he bounces, spreading his cheeks apart until he moans against his cheek, hands buried deep inside Daniel’s hair as he goes.

It’s not long until it’s clumsier, sloppier, until Daniel meets him halfway, and fucks into him, trying to reach some spot he didn’t even know existed until Seongwoo’s begging “right there, right there, _babe_.” and when he stops, just to see what will happen, Seongwoo buries his face into his cheek or bites onto his jaw, almost painfully, to stop the noises to come out, and works his thighs diligently to make up for the loss of sudden friction.

And the way he rides him — like such a good boy, with so much enthusiasm, would bring any porn star to shame —  his own cock bounces between their bellies noisily.

He grasps onto Seongwoo’s dick when he cums, almost as if to squeeze it, and that makes Seongwoo let out a soft broken voice, along with something that sounds like his name, except Daniel isn’t even there to hear it.

If being inside of him feels good — cumming inside of him, even with a condom, feels _right_.

Seongwoo’s gone limp on top of him, and his cock slightly softer.

Daniel needs a moment just to remember how to speak; “Seongwoo,” He calls out; “Did you cum?”

“Yeah.” He says, and he sounds absolutely exhausted. “There’s still some—” He swallows thickly, and Daniel can hear it because he’s so close to his ear; “Some room for improvement.” He takes a longer inhale; “You’ll get the hang of it eventually.”

“Well, then… _please take care of me well_.” Daniel uses a korean good manners saying, and it makes Seongwoo laugh, even though he’s out of breath.

 

.

 

The night before the big presentation, the sophomore and the junior that had hooked up and made everybody tolerate their disgusting lovey-dovey bullshit for almost 5 weeks now, break up.

It’s all very ugly.

Seongwoo is sitting between Daniel’s legs, and reads him all the dirt they’re both sending him, while cackling. Daniel was kinda interested, too, simply because they had been both so annoying and loud about their relationship that it was bound to fail at some point, but he’s more busy necking Seongwoo and nibbling at the soft flesh at the back of his neck and behind his ears to really care.

When the girl starts posting cliche sad lyrics on her facebook page, Seongwoo drops his phone on the bed noisily, and leans his head back until it hits Daniel’s shoulder.

“This is why I don’t like this committed relationship bullshit… if it’s all for show, then why bother…?”

Daniel is quiet for a moment, then says; “Well - not _all_ relationships are like that.”

It’s Seongwoo’s turn to be quiet, and Daniel kinda wants to talk about it, but then he figures - there’s really nothing to talk about. Seongwoo had made it very clear from the start; he wanted a something casual.

And this was it.

They were doing it.

Right now.

Seongwoo turns around though, and studies his face for a moment, before agreeing; “Yeah, not all relationships.” He gives him a really slow kiss after that, and Daniel feels like it means something, except he’s not really sure what.

Seongwoo climbs back into his lap, wrapping his long legs around him, without breaking the kiss. Then pulls away abruptly, smiling cattily; “I wanted to check out a thing on google when you went to take a piss — and I accidently saw that thing you googled. On your phone.”

“What thi—” Daniel remembers what he was googling while on the bus to Seongwoo’s place. “That was just — I was just wondering how they work - how did you even know my password—”

“It’s your birth year, Daniel. You might as well not use any password at all. And my phone was too far away, so I took yours.”

“It’s just that—”

“It’s okay. If your curious. I can show you my own.”

“You have a dildo collection?”

Seongwoo hits him on the shoulder; “Can you make it sound less dirty; it’s not a dildo collection, it’s just a few sex toys, god.”

“How many is a few?” Daniel can’t help but be curious.

“Several.”

“What color are they?”

He laughs, and Daniel really loves the way he laughs.

It makes him feel like every time he laughs, a kitten is born, which is a beautiful feeling in itself. “That’s what you want to know? What color they are?” He wraps his hands around his neck.  

“I hope they’re pink.” He grins.

“Why pink?”

“It’s my favourite color.”

“But they’re not _your_ toys.”

“But I’ll get to play with them too.”

“They’re black. Like my soul.”

Daniel can’t tries not to laugh, but it sort of bursts out; “What part of your soul is black? Where? You’re the least dark person I know. When you angst about something you just whine, and pout and puff your cheeks. It’s god damn cute.”

“Well, maybe there’s some dark part of me you just haven’t explored yet.” He says, attempting to sound mysterious, but by the way he’s stifling a smile, he’s not very serious and Daniel topples them down on the mattress, and starts kissing him everywhere; “Somewhere I didn’t explore yet? Where?”

He laughs really loudly, squirming and trying to crawl away when Daniel attempts to kiss his belly and his waist, because he’s ticklish there.

 

.

 

There’s a part of Daniel that dreads the end of their project, because he thinks they might just grow distant, because of different schedules, and maybe meet less frequently — but he sees Seongwoo a lot more afterwards.

On tuesday, they go to watch Infinity War at the cinema, because Seongwoo didn’t watch it yet, and Daniel is the only person who didn’t mind watching it again. Seongwoo watches only half of the movie, because they spend the rest making out and touching each other teasingly, because they’re sitting at the back.

On saturday, they go to some local artist’s market with all sort of dumb trinkets on display, and stroll around the stands. Seongwoo’s hand is clasped unto his arm, while the other one is holding hot coffee, and Daniel tries super hard not to get excited, but it feels just like a normal date. Seongwoo gets super drunk at the restaurant afterwards, and Daniel’s dorm is just around the corner, so that’s where Daniel heads for. They end up just sleeping anyway, because Seongwoo burrows into the sheets shoving his face deep into the pillow and is done with being awake - that’s okay though, because in the morning he gets to give him a rimjob, see the calm and collected Ong Seongwoo became a shivering, _begging_ mess, sloppy and undone, bed hair and red neck, all at once. He almost screams by the the time he orgasms. Thank god Jaehwan isn’t home, because even Woojin next door hears it, and Woojin can sleep through a tank ruining his house.

Next week Seongwoo comes along with him and some friends to see some fireworks, and everybody act super cool about it. Nobody asks anything even when they disappear for an hour or so, under the guise of buying more booze.  When he’s back home, his groupchat is blowing up with questions. ‘ _Nothing is happening’_ , he answers enigmatically. ‘ _Seongwoo-hyung just takes a really long time to pick what beer he likes.’_ He waits a bit, to apply dramatic pause and sends; ‘ _about the same amount of time it takes him to cum, basically_ ’. He wakes up to Jaehwan slapping him awake and 200 messages.

Daniel wants to do everything, at once.

Because Seongwoo enables him and is eager to play around, too.

All the things he'd seen in porn (or didn't see in porn, for the matter) or all the things he heard from friends. Everything they do feels new and exciting, even if they apply the slightest change to it. For example, he finds out he's a huge exhibitionist, and Seongwoo, for some reason gets excited from the fact that Daniel is excited about it. He likes the bondage thing, but lacks the skills for the correct knotting, and Seongwoo isn't much of an expert in it, either. The rope they buy at the sex store instead serves as decorative rope around some shelves they assemble from ikea. Seongwoo puts a cactus put on some books on it. It's very chic. 

Seongwoo on his part, finds out things about himself, too. He likes giving commands, and being on top of him when they fuck. But actually being topping isn't exactly his thing. He really hates being blindfolded, admitting that he never did this before, and he wants to watch him, too. 

It's kind of like they're exploring each other, and their boundaries. Daniel loves everything about it. And he loves that after having copious amount of sex, they're going down to buy some pizza at 2am, and talking about school or gossiping about friends, or doing weird mundane things he doesn't even do with Jaehwan. Everything about being with Seongwoo is just amazing.

Even when they fight. Once they go to another arcade date, where they unfortunately decide to play air-hockey. Suddenly Seongwoo is competitive as heck and he uses literally everything to win, including dirty moves like talking about Daniel’s cock, and he _still_ loses. Then it’s double-or-nothing. Then it’s triple-or-nothing. God, Daniel never expected Seongwoo to be such a sore loser. But because he won, he can ask for whatever he wants; and he wants to have sex in the dirty bathroom at the back of the arcade. Right then and there.

Seongwoo whines the entire walk there, then whines that they don’t have a condom with them, and Daniel says that’s exactly why he wants to do it.

“What if I catch some weird STD? A half-straight STD.”  

“Don’t worry, I’ll nurse you back to health.”

“That’s not funny,” He says, but still crawls up to his lap when he sits on the toilet. “You’re definitely catching something from that toilet seat, that’s for sure.”

“Can you just— I’m fine - I’m clean. I checked.”

“You can’t just check by looking at your penis. Your penis is perfect. Nothing is going to show up on it—”

“I checked in a facility— are we having sex or are you just stalling?”

It’s probably the kinkiest sex they had yet, dirty and quick. At some point Daniel just shoves him into the wall booth and holds onto his hair, and Seongwoo struggles so hard not to get vocal, his lips are bright red and swollen. When he cums his body feels tight, confused and greedy, and Seongwoo feels right; cumming inside him, just like that, feels like a goddamn miracle.

Even though he uses a whole roll of toilet paper to clean himself afterwards, while staring directly at Daniel so he’d know how much he’s displeased in the situation.

When Daniel is already home, he texts him.

**Seongwoo: Okay, fine.**

**Seongwoo: Maybe it’s a little hot.**

**Self: What is?**

**Seongwoo: The whole… barebacking thing.**

**Seongwoo: Honestly, when my ex wanted to do it, I just felt disgusted, but now I came home, and god, I’m still wet down there from your cum.**

**Self: have mercy**

**Seongwoo: And it felt so good - just being suspended between your body and the wall, pumped full of cum.**

**Self: why are you bullying me**

**Self: fuck**

**Seongwoo: because you should’ve let me win, and you didn’t**

He attached a picture of a cum trail down his thigh, and Daniel’s eyes water.

**Self: can i come over?**

**Seongwoo: maybe**

**Seongwoo: i don’t know**

**Seongwoo: what’s the magic word?**

 

.

 

Exam period is rough, because all he wants to do is to see him.

All the time.

Sometimes during an actual exam. Which is dumb. But he thinks how cool would it be if they were both same-year, and they’d be taking the exam at the same time, same place, and then he’d remember the mole on his chest, or how his whole face lights up when Daniel tells a joke, and then he’s just gone for whole ten minutes of spacing out until he snaps himself back into the game.

And he knows that he’s fucked.

He totally failed the ‘casual’ part of their ‘casual relationship’.

Thankfully Seongwoo enables him.

They text a lot, more than they should, probably. Sometimes they’d sext, if they can’t meet, to release some stress - but there’s also a lot of weird mundane chat; just really dumb stuff, or witty jabs at each other, and sometimes when Daniel can’t sleep, he rereads their chatroom, because oh god, he’s just utterly, _desperately_ in love with him, and he has no idea how he’s going to get out of that mess.

 

.

 

He decides to just be honest about it.

Just confess about his feelings. And if Seongwoo wants to end it, so be it.

Stretching it longer than this, is just dumb.

But when they meet on the first wednesday after the term ends, Seongwoo is pretty down. He flunked two tests, and it really affected him, so he’s just moody and sulky, and even after they eat, he doesn’t want to go back to his dorm.

They just stroll around for hours. It’s way past freezing point.

They’re holding hands.

Everything’s closed, there’s nothing but streetlights and their conversation to light the way. They have no general direction, so they end up lost after awhile.  
Seongwoo keeps on pulling at his hand, and walks further stubbornly, like he wants to reach somewhere - he doesn’t know where, but somewhere.

Daniel likes that.  

They cross the bridge over the han river along with traffic.

Daniel doesn’t even remember what they talk about. Nothing important. Not about school. Not about relationships. The conversation is just light and oddly comfortable. About the color of Daniel’s hair. About whether or not the impact with the water from that high will hurt. About whether or not all the stars are actual stars of just planets. About why penises are shaped like mushrooms, and why Daniel’s palm is always sweaty. (Seongwoo thinks it’s a condition, and he should get checked, but a few weeks ago he decided that Daniel's balls have a condition too for being so hairless. "Look at that you're like an engineered lab rat." He said while sucking on one which made it kinda hard to decide if it's an insult or not).

When they’re tired, it’s already somewhere around midnight, they’ve eating ramen from a convenience store that’s (thankfully) open 24/7, and just when Daniel wonders out loud if they should just order a taxi to go back — Seongwoo points to a love hotel.

“We want the cheesiest room you have. Rose petals and all. And a heart shaped bed.”

The clerk looks scared. “We - um… we don’t have that?”

Seongwoo looks disappointed; “Then maybe like — I don’t know. Something eccentric. Or cheesy.”

“We have a superman room. It’s a real hit.”

“We’ll take that.” Daniel decides.

“No, I don’t want a superman room, yuck. Daniel, here, already has a huge ego.”

“W-what?” Daniel laughs; “I do not. I like Marvel, anyway!”

“T-there’s a cinderella room.” The clerk scratches his head; “And the bathtub is heart-shaped—”

Seongwoo turns to Daniel with a smirk on his face, and it appears like he made his choice.

Except the bathtub is seriously big, and it takes over an hour to fill it.

He stands there in fancy silk robe over his sweater and stares at it. “I am very disappointed. There’s no scented candles, even. This hotel is getting a 3/10 on yelp.”

“But there’s a gigantic scary picture of a disney princess on the wall. Which is going to stare at us all night.”

“I kinda like the audience.” He jokes and sits down next to him on the bed.

The bed is colored baby blue, and there’s a light sheer veil hanging above it and spilling down to the floor.

It certain looks princess-like, if not the fluorescent pink lightning and the huge heart shaped bathtub, that’s not even located inside the bathroom, but rather in the corner of the room.

“How the hell people get into the mood in these places?”

“I can’t believe you’d say this to cinderella’s face!” Seongwoo points, half laughing. “Don’t listen to him. I’m in my robe, there's half-filled bathtub, we're totally in the mood."

“You’re wearing sweatpants underneath a silk robe and talking to a wall.” Daniel laughs and trails a few kisses up his neck to his jaw. His skin is so soft.

“Are you saying I’m a turn-off?”

“No.” He laughs; “When I’m with you, I’m always in the mood.”

“Well, I dig this. We're going to go to love motels a lot from now on. Cinderella is a hero. Totally gets me in the mood."

“There was no doubt in my mind.” He teases, and Seongwoo jabs him.

“Bitch lost her slipper, and got the entire kingdom looking for her. I want to make that kind of impact, too. Get people gasping coz I left my crocs somewhere.”

“Well, if you managed to escape me with only one crocs shoe on, you’ve really impressed me.”

“See why you have a hero complex? Who says you’re the prince? Because you have a big dick? I mean, if the prince was looking for her just because he danced with her once and she also happened to lose her shoe, he sounds like his dick wasn’t awfully impressive.”

Daniel throws his head back when he laughs at that. “How is this an indication on the size of his dick?”

“Big dick = big effort. Small dick = omg look at the time, it’s midnight, gotta go, see ya.” Daniel drops back onto the bed, laughing. “Anyway, you could be the mouse friend.”

“The mouse friend with the big dick?”

“Did you know that mice reproduce crazy fast? They must be well endowed.”

“Stop, my cheeks hurt.” He bites onto his lip, then pulls him down by the hand on the bed to him, so he could hug him and rub his face on his silky robe.

Seongwoo’s nibbling at his lip for a moment before he runs a hand over Daniel’s hair; “Let’s do something — I don’t know. Let’s do _something_.”

It’s kind of cute how he got this ridiculously bright spark in his eyes; Daniel is glad he’s at least not thinking about his test anymore, but instead is concerned with filling in bathtubs and being bratty.

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Let’s do it your way today. Let’s do what you want to do.”

“What I want to do is what you want to do, though.”

“You’re getting a free ticket to do what you like, man. Don’t be ungrateful. I’m generous today.”

Daniel doesn’t actually know what he wants to do; he actually gotten used to take instructions, and just focusing on Seongwoo’s body and being attentive to his reactions. Doing what he likes felt natural and it had eased his mind from his own performance. He turned him on to see that Seongwoo’s turned on, to see him into it, to see him responsive, and good and ready to return the favor.

They start making out while still in bath; water’s too hot, anyway, and then they get focused on each other’s lips, and forget to turn off the cold water, and it gets lukewarm, and feels too chilly - so they move on to the bed, still a bit damp from not toweling each other too well.

And the entire time, Seongwoo keeps his hands on Daniel’s back, and continues to kiss back, without initiating anything else. Daniel’s astounded - he’s actually keeping true to his word.

He doesn’t reach out to for his cock or to touch himself, which by now he would’ve, and it gives him an odd surge of power.

Now that he really thinks of it — a thing he’d like to try is to slow it down a notch.

Seongwoo is always in a rush to get off. He wants to cum as soon as possible, and even during foreplay he usually can’t help but already reach a hand down his pants and stroke himself. Daniel found it so fucking hot at first, and he still does - because he feels like Seongwoo can’t really wait to do it, to have him, even though on the exterior he seems well-collected and patient. He wants to do more foreplay, to touch more, to kiss more, to really indulge in every crave of his body, and give him all the loving it deserves; and what better time to do it than _now_ , in a hotel room they rented out for an entire night, on the first day after the end of the semester.

He moves his hands on his body carefully, into his robe, on his nipples and down his abdomen.

Seongwoo’s frame isn’t exactly small - he’s not delicate or petite; his body is more lean, lithe. His limbs are long, he can feel some of his bones under the skin — but in a way, he feels supple, perhaps not in the way girls are, but in how sweet and soft he moves or in the way his skin feels under his fingers, like silk or rose petals. Everything is so kissable. 

He takes his sweet time kissing down his chest, stopping on every jutting bone or every spot that makes Seongwoo bite his lip, and when he finally can’t take it anymore, when Daniel’s kissing and nosing and sucking onto the skin right below the waistband of his underwear - he sends his hands down to his cock, and Daniel catches them and pins them  down to the bed.

“You said I can do whatever I want. So be _good_.”

He bites his lip; “Didn’t know that involved orgasm denial. Daniel — ah — ” He stops talking, biting onto his lip, when Daniel sucks onto the inside of his thigh, but keeps his hands in the sheets, clutching onto them obediently.

God, it makes his own cock twitch with anticipation. He lets Daniel tease the edges of his underwear, slipping his hands down his thighs and inside the fabric, until he reaches his waist. He rubs his face on his clothed cock, nosing around it carefully, teasing the fabric to stretch, until Seongwoo’s chest is raising up and down heavily, his head thrown back, his face red and lower lip swollen from how much he had bit on it.

Fuck, it’s a good look on him.

He tries to lift his thighs to create more friction, but Daniel holds onto his waist, keeps him pinned to the bed.

He moves the underwear with his chin, little by little, leaving hickies down the soft skin of his crotch, and rubbing his nose on his happy trail. Just when he’s about to finally reach his dick, he moves back up to kiss his belly button, and Seongwoo nearly hisses.

“Daniel.” His voice almost sounds broken; “Enough. Please.”

“Please what?”

“Please - _please_ let me cum. Fuck.” He tries to reach his hand into his underwear hastily, but Daniel removes it again.

“Fuck,” He throws his head back again, one of his hands pulling at the sheet out of frustration, and Daniel straightens, running one of his hands down his body, down his cock, then pushing his palm on his clothed balls, just to create some pressure.

His thighs shake, and the moan he makes, small and desperate, breaks Daniel’s heart.

He runs his hand on his abdomen again, up and down his happy trail a few times, before finally dipping in and drawing his underwear down until his cock springs out.

He goes down on him slowly, even though Seongwoo’s hand in his hair is rushing him and pushing him in, or he’s bucking his hips to meet him halfway.

He’s already pretty sloppy and done anyway, so it doesn’t take him too long to cum, but when he does, he arches his back and tenses up for a long moment, mouth opened in a silent scream, and toes curling.

He’s all red, up to his chest, hair messy and wet, and Daniel holds his breath along with him, until he finally returns and takes a long large gulp of air, his chest finally raising up with panic.

Fuck, it’s probably the most beautiful thing he ever saw.

Getting to destroy him like that, until he begs, until he’s spent like that before he even fucks him.

He lets him come down from his orgasm, biting onto his lip, and kissing his neck while he pumps his own cock, until Seongwoo reaches out to help him.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Kinda feels empty.” He’s still out of breath.

“What does?”

Seongwoo guides Daniel’s hand from his cock where he was helping him pump it, to his own asshole, and bites onto his lip again.

“Here? Here is empty?” He presses his finger into his entrance. “Fuck, you need me to fill you up, Seongwoo?”

He nods, and reaches to pump his own dick again, and Daniel wants to tell him, right then and right there, that he loves him, because fuck, nobody ever managed to turn him on like that.

Nobody probably will, at this point. He’s sure of it.

Nothing would ever be able to compete with this heady rush that overcomes his senses, like a warmth down the pit of his stomach that travels to the ends of hairs - this crazy type of lust, an illogical one, of wanting to have every inch and part, of wanting to have every kiss until eternity, of wanting to destroy in all the sweetest ways.

He feels like he really loses his head when it comes to Seongwoo. 

Seongwoo lets him — _he lets him_ —  go as slow as he wants, and Daniel goes _excruciating_ slow. He doesn’t opposes, doesn’t begs for him to go _faster, deeper, harder_ — no, he just says his name, and moans so delightfully into the pillow, that Daniel pulls it out from underneath him and throws it away so he gets to hear his voice.

He takes him from behind, pinning him to the bed, and bites onto his shoulder blades, until he cries out, every time he thrusts in.

They interlace their fingers when he starts picking up the pace, and Daniel helps Seongwoo, who was just pumping himself shamelessly fast, adjust himself to the steady, idle pace of the cock slamming into him.

“Is that better, babe?” He whispers, and his own voice sounds strange to him, breathless and hoarse, like somebody else spoke instead of him; “Do you feel full, yet?”

“God, yes.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes, you’re just right. You fit in perfectly.”

“Do I?” He thrusts in as deeper as he possibly can, holding onto one of his shoulders with his free hand, to keep him in place.

“Ah. Fuck. Fuck, it feels _so_ good, when you’re so deep - I love that — _Daniel_.”

He squirms, squeezes Daniel’s hand until it feels like he’s about to break his fingers, his greedy body begging for release, and as if trying to match it, Daniel cums.

Everything feels so tight, like he lost his head for a second.

And maybe he did.

He almost feels numb, like he’s floating, and then he finally comes to — and he can feel his sperm spreading deep inside of Seongwoo, and pulls him even further down his dick by the hips. There, he thinks, right there - like anything less deep than that doesn’t count, like he claimed him as his own in that  veryspot.

He wants to breed him, he wants him to just be filled to the brim with cum and this is a nice start.

Seongwoo snorts out a short, gaspy laugh; “Fuck, that was _intense_.”

Daniel’s limbs feels so weak, so he just stays on top of him, kissing his shoulders, peppering his neck and nape with quick loving pecks, until he tries to wave him off, laughing because it’s tickling.

It’s not until he rolls over beside him, that he actually slips out of him — and then they both grunt at the loss.

It feels like the world is a horrible place without Seongwoo’s warmth around him for a long moment — and he can’t even imagine how it would feel like to Seongwoo, to have that gaping space all of the sudden. They both just don’t speak for a moment.

Seongwoo shoves his face into the mattress, and Daniel feels so bad, he slides a finger into his asshole. It feels so much more loose than when Daniel was fingering him before, it’s wet from lube and cum.

“What are you doing?” He snorts, and turns to him, his right cheek squished on the mattress.

“I don’t know.” Daniel admits, then feels kinda dumb for actually doing something on a whim like that. “I don’t want you to ever feel empty again.”

Seongwoo makes that face, that looks like he pities him for being so stupid, but also just looks opened and vulnerable at the same time. He draws in a bit closer and gives him a soft kiss on the lips.

“This is literally the stupidly nicest thing somebody had ever said to me.”

Daniel snorts himself, and gives him back a short kiss on the lips, before settling to just look at him. He brushes some hair off his forehead.

“I — um.” Seongwoo suddenly starts; “It’s not the room. The mood, I mean — just being with you turns me on as well.” He says. Then rubs his eyebrows; “Not just turned on. I just — like being with you.”

Daniel feels a surge of happiness so strong, he almost chokes up. Is he trying to confess…? In his own Seongwoo-ish way?

“I like being with you, too.” He says hurriedly; he doesn’t want to freak him out or scare him by being weirdly intense and saying ‘I love you’s too soon, but he still wants him to know that it’s definitely mutual. He’s totally on board with this.

“Okay.” Seongwoo nods, and looks away. “Okay, yeah.”

He stares at Cinderella's huge smiling face for a moment, then says; “Wow, she really enjoyed the show.”

 

.

 

Daniel wanted to spend at least half of his winter break at home, back in Busan, but doing that while _kinda-maybe-dating_ Seongwoo is nearly impossible.

He already starts teasing him while he’s on the train home.

Daniel tells him he’s bored.

Seongwoo tells him “Okay, then let’s play a game to pass the time.”

Seongwoo sends him a picture of his belly button: “which hole is this?”

Now, Daniel knows it’s his belly button, but the association game works, and when Seongwoo sends him another picture, now with his belly button and a trail of white-ish lotion or some sort of cream on his belly, and asks “and now?”, he’s already feeling pretty uncomfortable and tight in his seat.

He cracks after a week.

There’s so much of sexting and teasing pictures he can withstand with his sanity and dignity intact.

Seongwoo opens the door on the phone, slight surprise on his face, says a quick; “I’ll call you later,” and just stands there for a moment, like he wants to say something, before jumping on him.

Daniel laughs dies down between kisses. He drops his bag down, and kicks the door shut behind him. They barely make it to the bed, almost stumbling at the door. Seongwoo pushes him at the bed, already removing his shirt quickly before climbing on top of him greedily to make out some more.

God, he missed the smell of him. One week is just too long.

They slow down a fair notch; Daniel focuses on sneaking his hands down his pants and kneading his small ass. It fits so snugly in his hands. He feels like he could just that, forever.

Seongwoo breaks the kiss.

His lips are red, glistering and swollen from how much Daniel sucked on him, and now that his eyes aren’t closed and his head is just focused on kissing, he wants him even more, and he draws his pants and underwear down with his fingers. 

“Can we - um…” He hesitates a little, but stands up on his knees to help Daniel take off his pants; “Can we use a condom? Today?”

Daniel isn’t sure why that takes him aback, probably more than he should’ve. He recovers rather quickly and says; “Uh… sure.”

“I just changed the sheets.” He explains hurriedly. It never actually bothered him before. And giving an excuse is not like him. But then he’s sucking onto Daniel’s neck softly, giving him an hickey as he guides Daniel’s fingers inside of him, and Daniel forgets all about it.

 

.

 

Except it still feels like something changed.

Maybe not drastically - but still. Something clearly changed.

They return to having sex with a condom, which frankly, feels a lot like taking a step back. He really thought that day at the hotel before he went to Busan changed things between them. It felt like progress; like they were no longer just having casual sex - but maybe having something more… intimate. Something more exclusive. 

And he knew he shouldn’t rush things, and shouldn’t assume things, since clearly, from the start Seongwoo was a flight risk, so he doesn’t really brings it up. But it keeps on gnawing at him. And he keeps on trying to push it back. Pretend that it’s fine.

Maybe it is fine, and he’s being paranoid.

On the weekend, when Daniel says he’ll come over, Seongwoo vehemently denies it, saying his house is a real mess, as if either of them really cared about that.

He comes to Daniel’s dorm, even though Daniel shares it with Jaehwan, and they watch some tv. When they go to sleep, Jaehwan is super weirded out by the fact that they’re cuddling on Daniel’s bed, and starts giving him rules and regulations; “No funny business while I’m here. Even when I’m sleeping. That’s just nasty. I’m like 3 meters away. Also no funny businesses in the bathroom. Or anywhere. This is my personal space, too.”

When Daniel accuses him of cockblocking, and Seongwoo tells him that ‘they’ll be quiet’, he fumes quietly and picks everything up, including the remote control, with a manner that would appear like the object is contaminated, and asks if they had sex on it or near it, and if it’s safe to touch.

So they don’t do anything.

Although they did have a few outings where they didn’t have actual sex, they’d still usually still touch or fondle or rub or hump, even when too tired, but that day, they just fall asleep together.

He still wakes up smiling, kissing him for good morning, before slinking to the bathroom.

Daniel finds that a small consolation.

It’s not until he meets Jihoon at the grocery store, when he realizes what’s happening.

“Say, are you still dating Seongwoo-hyung?” He says, checking the ingredients on a pack of chips.

“Yeah. Kinda.”

“Kinda…?” He glances at him briefly.

“It’s complicated.” Daniel half-laughs, not sure if he should just say that they are, and leave it at that. It’s not like Jihoon to spread around rumours anyway - but then he has to go and ask; “Why?”

“Nothing — just… I went out with Woojin to this new place. It’s the one at the corner place? With the blue lanterns? Really trendy.”

Daniel actually looks around from his cart at him, and he can tell that he’s hesitating a litte. Clearly he wants to say something but isn’t sure how because he obviously can’t be that interested in a chips pack.

When he notices Daniel’s staring, he just snaps; “Look — I saw him. Pretty cozy with some other dude. He had his hand draped over his shoulders, and everything. I don’t know. I thought you’re in Busan, so maybe you ended things or something… But —” Daniel isn’t sure what expression on his face he’s wearing, but it makes even Jihoon, who probably kicks puppies in his free time, immediately shove the pack of chips back into the shelf; “Maybe, it’s just me overthinking? Like - I didn’t see them kissing or anything. So maybe… I just… I don’t know what I saw. I just felt like… maybe you should know. That… Okay, maybe it’s like… a good friend.” He trails off after that, and adds; “Sorry.”

“No - it’s… okay. It’s probably…” Daniel trails off too.

It’s probably _what_?

Things made much more sense now. Now that he’s done having casual sex only with Daniel, and has a new fuck buddy, of course he’ll want to go back to condoms.

And Daniel can’t confront him about it, or get angry about it, because from the start he had made it clear exactly what they are.

He knows exactly what he wants. Mess around. And have fun. A bullshit free relationship. Just sex. No strings attached.

And Daniel hates himself, really hates himself for believing there was more to it.

For convincing himself there was more to it, when he fully knew where this was headed; absolutely fucking _nowhere_. They always have sex. Like all the time. It’s obvious there’s not much happening beside that.

He can’t talk to him.

He just needs to digest it. He needs to do the right thing.

To just walk away.

He could do it via text.

It takes him over an hour to compose a message. And he keeps on rolling on his bed and refusing to send it.

Until around 11pm. Seongwoo sends him a message.

**Seongwoo: Watcha up to?**

**Seongwoo: You’re kinda quiet today.**

Daniel decides to start slow.

**Self: Yeah… Sorry, I was kind of dealing with things.**

**Seongwoo: Something happened?**

He tries to write what he’s feeling first, before actually writing about what made him feel that way, because it feels like the right way to proceed — but before he can finish his god damn 5k composition, Seongwoo grows impatient, and sends another message.

**Seongwoo: :( You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.**

**Seongwoo: I mean, we don’t know each other for too long, so it’s okay if there’s some stuff you still don’t want to share, okay? Don’t feel forced if you’re not ready.**

**Seongwoo: Wanna go hang out at the park for a bit?**

Daniel should write no.

Daniel should be sensible.

Daniel really wants to see him right now.

**Self: Yeah.**

He convinces him he’s going to meet him to talk it out — but they end up just hugging and necking on the bench.

Seongwoo doesn’t ask him what’s wrong, but he looks slightly worried and attentive, and he keeps on rubbing his back affectionately, and running his hand up his nape and into his hair.

So Daniel doesn’t say anything.

Because he doesn’t have the guts to say it.

And maybe because in his dumb head a voice keeps saying that this can’t be just friendly. There’s no way he’d care so much, if they were just fuckbuddies, right? That he’d want to be there for him - to be invested in his troubles. It’s all just a mistake. Jihoon is the one that’s wrong. Maybe it was just a friend. Maybe it was somebody who looked like Seongwoo.

Yeah, that’s it.

He just got the wrong guy.

A classic mistaken identity case.

They don’t actually do much that day, but he still comes back to the dorm at around 6am, kinda maybe half hard, and Jaehwan wakes up momentarily, notices his bulge through the sweatpants and says; “Daniel, we can’t be friends anymore until I get laid, because you’re getting too much action and it disturbs the inner workings of my gentle soul. We have to be getting the same amount of ass for this friendship to work.”

.

 

Thing is Daniel is just so dumb. He’s a motherfucking idiot.

He’s so blindly, stupidly, _unconditionally_ in love with him, that logic escapes him.

So they keep on doing what they do, ‘ _almost dating, but maybe not exactly_ ’, and Daniel keeps on gently maneuvering around the status quo, scared to stir the pot.

For over two weeks.

And thing is, he’s so deliriously happy to be with him, to go out on dates with him, and to spend time with him, even if they’re on the phone for two hours, because it’s too cold to go out - that the entire thing just… becomes the last thing he thinks about.

Even if Seongwoo behaves strangely, Daniel finds excuses for it in his head, without actually asking Seongwoo about it, just so he won’t have to think about it. They stop coming over to Seongwoo’s, almost completely. Maybe a few fleeting times. Instead it’s replaced with cheap love motels, or Daniel’s dorms when Jaehwan isn’t there, or some ridiculously weird places, trying not to freeze their balls off in the February cold.

It’s not until he drops unannounced by Seongwoo’s dorm when he realizes the gravity of it all.

He was just heading to a friend’s party and Seongwoo said he’ll be able to join only later that night, but it was close by to his friend’s house so he dropped off a jacket he forgot at his place.

The man that answers the door isn’t Seongwoo.

His hair is wet and he’s wearing nothing but a towel on his hips.

“Yeah…?” He urges Daniel to speak, but Daniel actually looks at the name beside the door, just to check. Maybe he got the wrong door. The wrong door isn’t wrong.

The only thing that’s wrong here is what a fucking dimwit he is.

“If you’re looking for Seongwoo, he’s still in bath — taking his sweet time in there, like always.” He makes a judgmental face, and it occurs to Daniel that no, it’s not the first time he’s here either.

“I - uh… this is _his_.” He can’t even lace a sentence together. “Jacket.” He adds after a slight hesitation.

“Oh. Thanks.” He takes it from him simply and hangs it inside the door, mumbling “Once a airhead, always a airhead…” And Daniel isn’t sure why, but there’s this surge of hatred toward the guy, even though he probably isn’t the one to blame for all of this.

Does he even know about him…? Or is he just like Daniel…? Lured into it by believing that he won’t develop feelings…?

When he turns to him again, his lips turn up into a smile; “You must be Daniel… right?”

Oh.

“Why don’t you come in? Seongwoo told me a lot about you.”

“Did he…?” His voice breaks, but maybe out of surprise, mostly.

“Yeah.” He laughs, putting his hand up on the door; “He’s totally trying to play it off casual, but he’s fooling no one. Come in. I feel like we three could have _a lot_ to talk about.”

What the fuck is that suppoused to mean?

Is he trying to coerce him into some weird threesome?

Doesn’t help that he got this foxy face, and the way he's smirking at him looks suspicious. Daniel doesn't like him.

Why would Seongwoo even hang out with such a slimeball?

Beside the fact that he’s handsome.

And has abs.

And is older.

And clearly into casual sex like him, and not a dumb kid like Daniel, who hopes that he has feelings. God.

“Um… no. Thanks. I really have to go.”

“Oh. Sure… well, maybe next time.” He nods. “It was nice meeting you.”

“You too.” Daniel says, almost automatically, although it’s a straight up lie.

 

.

 

By the time Seongwoo arrives at the party, his hair still smelling like fresh shampoo, Daniel had one beer too much. Daniel appreciates the fact that he rubbed the scent of another man off his body before coming to see him, though, he'll give him that.

A+ for effort, Seongwoo. And such effort should be rewarded.

They shuffle into one of the rooms, all eager because they didn’t see each other two days, joking about how Seongwoo’s taking advantage of poor freshmen Daniel when he’s drunk.

Daniel doesn’t let him feel like he’s overpowering him for even one second. He fucks him raw from behind, only condom for lubrication, holding onto his hair.

He lets Seongwoo tend to his own dick, even if his hands are itching to touch it too — because really, he shouldn’t be going out of his way to help him, should he? This is all just a mutual agreement to get off, so he should be interested in getting off, and nothing but.

When he starts chanting his name, like he wants him, like he needs him, because it feels so good his fingers are gripping hard onto the bed sheets — Daniel pulls at his hair back until he hisses and says; “Louder.” Right into his ear; “I want the walls to shake when you yell my name.”

And Seongwoo complies - like he always does, biting his lip playfully.

When he’s coming, he takes off the condom hurriedly, and just sprays his cum all over his back and ass. He spreads the cum with his palm all over, as if it might mark him or soil him in so way, so that that other person — the one from his apartment — will know that he fucked him good.

He rolls off him almost immediately and feels like a complete and utter shit. It was probably the nastiest orgasm he had in his entire life, so he just stares at the ceiling, because he can’t even look at Seongwoo.

He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t do anything bad.

Daniel is the one who assumed things and got his feelings mixed up in this.

“That was…” Seongwoo takes a large inhale, but exhales with a snort; “Almost hostile.” He scoots closer and rubs his face into his cheek; “If I knew you were this aggressive while drunk, maybe I’ll get you drunk more frequently.” He snorts at his own joke and wraps his hands around him.

When Daniel doesn’t reply, because he still can’t think straight, he sighs and Daniel can feel it in his face.

It’s a lost battle, really. He’s not even angry. He was trying to be angry, but he’s mostly hurt, and he wants Seongwoo to comfort him even though he’s the one hurting him, and his head hurts from thinking.

He turns to him, and wraps himself around him.

“You okay, babe?”

“Yeah.” He says, then clears his throat. “ _No_.”

Seongwoo laughs softly, and creases his back, and Daniel hates him for being so thoughtful.

“Are you sleepy? You can sleep for a bit, I’ll wake you up.”

“No…”

“Feeling bad then? Do you feel like vomiting? Jaehwan says you had a lot to drink.”

Daniel doesn’t answer.

Seongwoo’s quiet for a moment, then tells him that he visited some family overnight, and his cousin was being a dickwad, and it somehow turned into one big mess. Daniel wonders how and where he met the dude. If it was a casual meet up before a party, and if he’s the reason why he said he’ll come over later.

God, it makes his blood boil that there’s suddenly this large gap between him, one that he didn’t see coming. There’s a whole part of Seongwoo’s life that he doesn’t know about, and won’t be able to participate in, won’t even _want_ to participate in.

It kinda strikes him then, that this is all he’ll ever think about. The other guy. The other _guys_. Maybe there’s a few of them. Jihoon did say he saw him with some dude. Was it the same dude? Or another one?

“I can’t believe you’re that sulky when you’re drunk,” He snorts, all of the sudden, his hand still playing with Daniel’s hairs. “It’s cute. Usually people get more talkative.”

“What people?”

He doesn’t want to _share_ Seongwoo with anybody else. It’s childish, and not what they agreed on, but he can’t help it. It just fills him with rage that there are _other_ people. 

“I don’t know. People.”

Daniel is quiet for a moment, and then before he can bite himself back; “Your other fuckbuddies?”

Seongwoo snorts; “That’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean, then?”

“What’s this about, Daniel? Why did you bring this up all of the sudden?”

He shrugs and sits up with his back to him, buckling back his jeans.

“Daniel…?” His voice sounds a bit more stern, then.

“I’m just — I don’t know. I guess I can’t do this after all.”

“Do what?”

“This casual relationship thing.” He looks straight at the window, because facing him is kind of scary, and he feels like if he’ll see his face, he’ll go back on his word.

“Is that what you think we’re doing?”

“Is it not what we’re doing? You got other dudes you’re fucking on the side, so it’s not exactly what I’d call monogamous.”

Seongwoo snorts; “What other dudes, Daniel? There are no other dudes.”

He turns to him in a sudden move; “Do you deny it?”

He furrows his eyebrows; “I don’t need to deny it. Because it’s the truth. How drunk exactly are you right now —”

“Not nearly enough.” He cuts him off; “I just don’t understand why you need to lie about it.”

He blinks twice at him, as if he’s taken aback.

“Or was that the thing about me? That you lured me in with a ‘will you won’t you’ develop feelings, and let me believe that you just might’ve.” It's a nasty thing to say.

Seongwoo’s face turns from jarring confusion to anger. He tightens his jaw, and crawls toward the other side of the bed. He sits there for a moment, now with his back to him and says; “This is why I don’t do relationships. Thank you for reminding me.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly what you heard.” He pulls his pants back on. “Fuck.”

“Why are you even mad? Because I said I don’t want to do it anymore? Am I not allowed to want to stop doing you? Should it only come when you get tired of me?"

“No, you're allowed to quit. Here. It's over. We're done. I'm just mad because you’re a fucking gigantic piece of shit, Daniel, that’s why.” He picks up his sweater off the floor, shaking his head; “Just brilliant. _Lured you in with a ‘will I won’t I’,_ was it? That one I didn’t hear before.”

Daniel gets up to go after him but slams his jacket at his chest. “Last thing I need is some kid breathing down my neck, because he has trust issues — Look, I knew this wouldn’t work - I literally told you why this wouldn’t work. From day one. You need some nice chick your age to settle down with and have a normal, heterosexual relationship with, where everything is  Not some man-whore who - in your twisted little head - is sleeping around with the entire campus.”

“That’s not what I said—”

“But that’s what you thought, wasn’t it?” He clicks his tongue; “You can’t even be bothered to actually believe me when I tell you there is no other dudes. Whatever. Just delete my number from your phone. I don’t want you drunk dailing me.” He slams the door of the room on his face.

Daniel follows him down the stairs, half pissed-off, and confused as heck. The music is blaring out of the door and the walls are shaking from the bass. They pass by a few drunken college students and Daniel's mind is still slightly swimming from alcohol and orgasm and he can’t really understand what’s happening; “But I saw — I literally talked to him — and Jihoon saw you two necking — if that was him even.”

Seongwoo is already out the door, and the music is still pretty deafening, but Daniel still hears him saying; “Then date Jihoon. Clearly you trust his word more than mine.”

 

.

 

In the morning, there’s nothing but pain.

All over.

Jaehwan’s form of consoling him is patting his shoulder from a distance as he pukes, while holding his nose with his other hand.

“Don’t worry, man. We’ll find you another sophomore to date. Maybe one with less libido this time. How do you feel about mormons?”

By evening, he’s feeling better in the stomach department.

But worse in the chest department. He literally feels like dying. He should've just shut his god damn mouth, and just let it go. How is he expected to live without Seongwoo? 

He's a mess for three whole days. It's pathetic, but he does try texting him a few times, and apologizing. He probably blocked his number, because he doesn't answer. He feels like a turd getting washed up into a water turbine; and disintegrating into little pieces of shit. It's horrible. 

He honestly feels like he's losing it. 

The most horrible thought is that he lost Seongwoo out of his own incompetence and insecurity. What if there really weren't any other guys? What if Jihoon actually saw him with a friend? What if the guy in his apartment could be explained really easily? It drives him fucking nuts. 

On the fourth day, he heads out to buy beer and a large bucket of cheap ice-cream. It’s Saturday evening, a week prior to the new semester and it’s brimming with people everywhere. Happy people.

A couple before him in line is buying condoms.

They're giggling on their way out. Daniel feels like mimicking their giggling, just to be spiteful. 

How dare people be happy today? Nobody is allowed to be happy. Ever.

Until he’s back to being happy.

Without Seongwoo.

Even if his sex life are going to be subpar for now.

Everything is going to be subpar for now.

Seongwoo was perfect. There’s no way somebody on his level would be even interested in him again, big dick or no. Fuck, he was the most amazing thing that ever happened to him. And the way he smiled made him hear cherubs singing. How would a mere person compare to that?

He decides he's never going to be in a relationship again. He'll become a monk. Let them cut off his dick. It's no use, now, without Seongwoo. 

Fuck, he misses him. He slams the money on the table and makes the clerk jerk in fright, before turning to go his own merry way to his misery-cave-slash-blanket-fort. 

He stops on his track when he sees Seongwoo. Right outside the store.

At first he thinks that it’s not him, and he’s just imagining things, but it’s him, and he looks annoyed.

That dude from the apartment is there with him, and he’s dragging him out of sight.

Daniel comes out of the convenience store, their arms are bound; No other dudes, _huh_? Yeah, right. Whose this, then? The motherfucking messiah?

Now that he sees them together, even from the back, they look like they're well matched, and it makes his blood boil. They're both handsome, dark haired, tall, and slim. Not boxy and big like Daniel. There's something about them both that gives off the feeling of cleanliness, of delicateness.

He stashes his ice-cream and beer at a nearby trash can, too distracted to really think when he’s following them — he’s not even sure why he’s doing it. He just wants to prove a point. What point it is is beyond him. He's already not in his right mind, anyway.

What is he even expecting?

What is he going to get from this?

Seongwoo telling him ‘you were right’?

“--Where are you taking me, again?”

“Sungwoon took me there, and the food’s good.”

“Minhyun, I want to go home.” He whines, and Daniel hates that he actually acts like a brat with anybody else but him. This was _their_ thing. 

“But you like food. Food makes you feel better. Minhyunnie will make you feel better, okay?" He rub his nape affectionately, and it takes Daniel literally everything to not attack him and bite his hand clean off. Baby talking to him? That's annoying as hell.

He can’t hear anything else, because they enter the plaza. There’s too many people, and it’s hard to keep track of them from a distance inside a crowd.

They enter into some restaurant. Red candle lights and shit. Real romantic.

Daniel decides to muster the courage of just facing him. He already plans the entire thing; he'll come in there and yell 'Aha!' - or maybe, he can come in, looks terribly sad, and make Seongwoo feel like shit. He stands there in the cold in his socks and home slippers for 10 minutes, trying not to freeze. Seongwoo was seeing some other dude, and he lied about it, and this was his chance to go ‘Ha! Who's the piece of shit now, Seongwoo? ' and he's hesitating? What the fuck?

Fuck.

A better opportunity presents itself. In the form of Jihoon. Who hits his shoulder really painfully. “Dipshit, Jaehwan is sure you went to commit suicide. Go back home.”

Daniel stares at him.

“What?”

“Can you do this thing for me? As a friend?”

“I can do a thing for you for a certain amount of money. Because we're friends.”

He did say he ‘well you can date Jihoon’, didn’t he? So there, Daniel will date Jihoon. In the same place he's having his date. With _Minhyunnie_. 

 

.

 

Seongwoo doesn’t notice them when they go into the restaurant. He’s stirring his food idly, head cupped in his hand, elbow on the table.

It’s bad enough he got his whole handsome face going on for him, but does he have to look that good after they stopped seeing each other?

The waitress gives them a nice table beside the window. “No.” Daniel says; “We want that table. Over there.” He points to the most uncomfortable table in the entire restaurant, the one beside the bathroom, but also the one that is in Seongwoo’s direct line of sight.

“If you try to kiss me, I’ll stab you in the face, and I’ll take the 100 dollars promised to me off your bleeding corpse, let it be known.”

“Just cooperate. _Please_.” Daniel sits down next to him and he makes an annoyed noise at the back of his throat.

“It’s bad enough that I have to be seen with you. Pretending to be on a date with you will ruin my entire reputation. You’re buying the food, too, I suppose.” Jihoon is flipping through the menu; “I’ll be sure to order the most expensive dish they have.”

“Order whatever.” Daniel waits for Seongwoo to look away from the window, or his food. “Can you like… laugh or something? So he’ll think we’re having fun and also look this way.”

“Laugh? Don’t be unrealistic. When Guanlin took me on my first date, I didn’t smile the entire evening just to keep him on his toes.”

“Yes - but like… normal people do that on dates.”

“It will be off character. He won’t buy it.” Jihoon dismisses as he pours himself some water. “If you want to fake-date me, you’ll have to do it well, I don’t like half-assing.”

Daniel is going to have a headache by the time this is over, but he perks up when Seongwoo actually turns their way.

He wraps his hand around Jihoon’s shoulder, then pretends to look at the menu.

“That would be an additional 50 bucks.” The brat slurps from his water bottle.

“20.”

“30.”

“Deal.”

The waitress comes to take their order. Jihoon actually says; “What is the most expensive thing you have? I want that. My—” He actually does this weird thing with his face, like he’s glitching or something; “ — _Boyfriend_ is buying.”

The waitress looks mostly confused, suggests a few things, then leaves with their orders.

Seongwoo is clearly glaring at them at this point, and Daniel pretends he still didn’t notice him.

“Maybe we should order some wine. Wine is romantic. The most expensive wine is very romantic.” Jihoon says; “I like expensive things. Buying me expensive things is in character for this whole dating thing.”

“Dude, I still need to buy textbooks next week, go easy on me.”

“You either leave here broke and miserable, or without your balls after Seongwoo cuts them off. I feel like I need wine to go along with this shitshow.”

“Is he still staring?”

“Yup, he is.” Jihoon waves.

“What are — you doing — why did you _wave_?!” Daniel whispers furiously.

“Our eyes met, what was I gonna do? He’s a Sunbae. I don’t want to be rude. I’m already fake dating his ex.”

“Me and him never dated. This should be fine. He’s here with his fuckbuddy too.”

“Wait, am I a fuckbuddy, then? I don’t like this. I feel like I’ve been demoted in position. If he asks, we're dating.”

“Is he still staring?” Daniel is almost hysterical at this point.

“No, he’s talking to the guy. Looks angry.”

“Okay, cool. Is this the same guy from before?" 

"Yeah. That's him. Oh, he’s walking over.”

“What do you mean, he’s walking over—”

Seongwoo bangs on the table. Quite loudly. Some people look up to see what happened.

“Oh, hey… Hyung… didn’t see you there… with your…” He looks over Seongwoo’s shoulder smugly. "That _other_ dude."

“Bathroom.” He gestures with his chin toward it. “Now.”

Daniel gulps. 

Jihoon extends his palm at him. “130 dollars. And because I did a convincing job—”

Daniel gives him a 150, just so he’ll shut up, and shuffles after Seongwoo.

The door doesn’t even slam close behind him, when Seongwoo pushes him against it; “What the hell are you trying to pull? Some petty revenge on me? Are you twelve? Scratch that, this wouldn’t even occur to me in middle school!”

“I’m not doing anything. Since nothing was happening between us, I’m free to date, no? You are, obviously. Or are you going to deny you’re on a date, too, now? In the most romantic place in the campus area? Well, not a date, you're not going to call it that. I'm not on a date, either. We're just... seeing each other.”

Seongwoo rubs his face in frustration; “Jihoon? You’re _seeing_ Jihoon? He barely tolerates people, let alone you.” There’s a quiet ‘ _That’s true_.’ behind the door, which they both ignore; “Not to mention that you told me he’s dating that taller guy. The exchange student.”

‘ _Guanlin_ …!’ Jihoon interjects again from beyond the door.

“It’s none of your business what I’m doing anyway. Why do you care? I can be here with however I want."

He curls his hands in anger; “Just trying to understand what the fuck is going through your head. Like what the hell are you trying to pull by doing this? Weren’t you the one who says he wanted to stop doing this? You’re the one who walked away. After assuming I’m spreading my buttcheeks for every guy in town— ”

“That’s not — I said I don’t want to do this casual relationship thing and that I was sick of it—”

“Oh my god, Daniel — It’s true that I thought we could stay casual at first, but it was kind of impossible with you. I was into you. You were into me. It’s not that complicated. I really liked you. I assumed - clearly wrongly - that we’re actually dating. I'm sorry I didn't know I had to spell it out for you."

“So you were cheating?” He's not sure if he's just shocked or also angry, now.

“This again? I don’t know what you saw or what Jihoon saw — but I wasn’t seeing anybody.”

“What about this guy?! This guy-" He points toward the door; "You were with him before too. He was at _your_ apartment.”

“I am not seeing Minhyun, that’s fucking ridiculous, you don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“How is that ridiculous— he was at your apartment, with a towel on, and he wanted me to come in so we’ll have some bizarre threesome or some shit—”

“—  You’re an insecure baby, you know that? I can’t believe I actually dated you. He just wanted to meet you.”

“Oh, so he’s just a friend? That casually hangs around your apartment half naked?! Let me tell you, if we were actually dating, this is in no way okay with me! It's beyond not okay!" 

Seongwoo covers his eyes with his hand; and his shoulders shake. For a moment he thinks he’s crying, but when Daniel actually leans in, he realizes that his smiling, and trying not to laugh.

“Is this fucking funny to you?”

“Yes, you’re literally enraged because of the stupidest thing, if only you came up to me and talked to me about it, instead of accusing me of being a whore—”

“I never accused you of being a whore - What would you say then? Give me some shit excuse like right now? Does he know that you go around calling him a _friend_?”

“Of course he knows that—” That’s bullcrap. Daniel doesn’t believe that. He turns about and walks out of the door. “Daniel—” Seongwoo comes out after him, and reaches the table at about the same time as Daniel.

The dude looks up from his phone, and then smiles; “Oh, hello.”

“Me and Seongwoo are fucking.” He tells him. “Like. Past tense. Fucked. But apparently you're just a friend so…” He trails off, because something is very wrong, here. Minhyun looks like Daniel just nuked him with a TMI. Not disgusted per se, but perhaps _appalled_ , and glances at Seongwoo for help. Seongwoo is covering his eyes again, this time with embarrassment. He bursts into a short awkward laughter that’s short lived; “Daniel, this is Hwang Minhyun. My cousin. Who studies medicine abroad and came to stay with me for winter break.”

Finally, things click into place. Much better than some dude that's dating him. 

Minhyun raises his hand awkwardly. “From the mother’s side.”

“I’m really sorry hyungnim, this is… Kang Daniel. Who assumed we’re in some weird… incestous relationship.”  

“Oh,” He says, rubbing his head; “ _Oh._ No, that's -  _no_. Strictly cousins. Sorry to disappoint."

 

.

 

 

The last week of his winter vacation as a freshman is spent inside covers, moping.

He decides to quit university, come back home to busan, and become a recluse.

Live off rats and drink sewage water.

Never show his face to the world again until in 50 years they find him with a really long bear and rotting teeth and make a documentary about him that will be named ‘Burden of shame: Kang Daniel’s story’.

For hours he just lies on his belly with a pillow on top of his head, trying to drown out the fact that he’s still alive, and how much he misses Seongwoo. Imagine messing up this big. 

He's never going to have a relationship again.

It hurts too much. 

Not only did he make a complete and utter fool out of himself in front of the entire restaurant, but also Seongwoo, and his goddamn family relative, by exaggerating and speculating things — but all that pales in comparison by how much he blew it with Seongwoo.

Seongwoo was actually dating him, for real, and if he wasn’t such a coward and would’ve just asked or came clear about his feelings, all of this would’ve been avoided, and they would’ve been happily dating right now.

And the thing is, he proved to Seongwoo that he is exactly the opposite of what he’d like to date: an insecure, jealousy-eaten, hormonal kid. If it weren’t over before, now it definitely is.  
He wouldn’t want to date himself, either.

Fuck.

Then, he’s already a junior, and he has to attend classes and buy textbooks, and move on.

How does one move on from Ong Seongwoo?

He catches glimpses of him in the crowd sometimes, and at the morning assembly, now wearing a ‘Senior’ tag.

He still looks hella fine, like he came out of a magazine, and whenever he looks his way, Daniel looks away hurriedly.

It’s not until the faculty party that they actually talk. Daniel is explaining a bunch of clueless freshmen a bunch of regulations when Seongwoo says; “Junior Kang Daniel — accompany me to buy some more beer.” He says this politely, as if they don’t know each other, and now that he’s actually a junior, Daniel can refuse or excuse himself, but he blindly puts his beer on the first surface he finds, and follow him out of the room.

To set an example and all. For the freshmen.

They don’t talk while still in campus. Pass the road silently, too. Daniel turns to the left almost automatically, and he tugs at his sleeve; “We’re going to the one near the hillside park.”

“Oh.” He says, wondering why — it’ll take them about 15 more minutes from here, if they walk inside alleyways, but doesn’t question it.

“You do know - that they were hitting on you, right?”

“Who?”

“The freshmen girls — just now. They weren’t actually that curious about campus regulations.”

“Oh,” He says; “Yeah, I figured. They were asking the same question over and over again."

He nods absently.

Daniel stares at him until he glances his way, then hastily turns his face up ahead.

What is this about…?

They’re silent for  a few more minutes, and Daniel is starting to get nauseous, and all his insides feel like they’re inside a blender. Being so close next to him when he’s not over him yet is just really bad for his mental health. Even if he tries to pretend everything’s cool, he’s getting nervous and his palms are getting sweaty with excitement and anticipation. The voice at the back of his head is screaming at him that he was clearly jealous, that’s why he had to extract him out of the circle of girls.

“So…” He startles him out of his thoughts; “How are you?”

“Peachy.” Daniel answers; “You?”

“I’ve had better times.” He says, and Daniel can actually hear his gears turning on high trying to understand what does that mean; “Being a senior is much more responsibility than I previously thought.”

“Oh.” He’s just busy, then.

“Minhyun - uh… went back to the states.”

“Great — I mean, um…” He doesn’t know how to do this, it just feels awkward. “Why was he even staying at your place, to begin with?”

“His parents moved back to the province — and he wanted to meet friends and be with his boyfriend, which he keeps on-and-offing. We’re born the same year, so we’re pretty close. He’s been doing this every break from school he gets.” He explains, and continues; “He’s really squirmish — about a lot of stuff. He has a cleaning obsession. Sometimes he won't sleep until the dorm room is clean. He has to do laundry once a day. And god forbid there’s something on the bed sheets, I’ll never hear the end of it. That’s why…” _we used condoms_ , Daniel continues the sentence, and that kinda makes sense, but it makes Daniel even more nervous, and he stops, and holds onto his arm to stop him from walking, too. They’re maybe one block away from the store, at this point, but the alleyway is silent and chilly.

“Look, I’m not good at this round and round thing - you know that.” He admits, rubbing his head; “Frankly, it’s still hard for me to be next to you, so just tell me why you called me out, and let’s get this out of our way.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why is it hard for you to be next to me?”

Daniel is astounded that this question even has to be asked out loud; “Because I’m still in love with you. In case that wasn’t obvious.”

Seongwoo looks startled for a moment, then overwhelmed. He glances at the street for a moment, before rubbing his sideburns; “I uh— truth is… I wanted to say that I’m also at fault. I didn’t want to tell you about Minhyun because I was afraid you might want to meet him, and I thought I wasn’t ready for it, and that it would be moving too fast for us. It’s such a dumb reasoning, I know, but sometimes I tend to… play down things, to feel more comfortable. Had I told you about him from the start, I guess all of this would’ve been avoided…”

Daniel sighs; “It hardly matters right now. Who's at fault for what happened. It already happened. It’s fine. I’m not… mad. Or anything.”

“You’re just saying that because you don’t want to talk about how much of a immature dipshit you turned up to be and apologize.”  
The corners of Daniel’s mouth turn up; “That, too.”

Seongwoo snorts and nods absently, looking down for a moment, then clears his throat.

“I don’t want to date you.”

Daniel cringes. It hurts more than it should by now, but perhaps he needed to hear that to really get over this. Get some closure.

“I really don’t. You’re the poster boy of why I don’t like relationships. Proud, impulsive, arrogant, and jealous — and…” He trails off, looking down the street again, and shaking his head; “And yet the thing that hurt me most is that you didn’t seek me out in the past two weeks. And didn't send a single text.” He bites onto his lip, when he finally returns his gaze to him.

“You wanted me to…?”

“Yeah.” He exhales when he says that and Daniel feels like his own breath was caught in his throat.

“I’m sorry.” He apologizes. “I thought… after that, I thought you’d never want to see me again. I wouldn’t want to see me, too. Or date me.”

“I guess I’m just not that sensible.” He answers. "I still want to be with you."

He swallows, continues walking.

Daniel runs up to him, and pulls him by the hand again; “Wait — so are we…”

“You’re on probation. For now.”

“But not _casual_ probation.”

“Probation can be casual if I want it to be.” Seongwoo decides, jutting his chin out.

“So... can I do this…?” He leans down to give him a soft kiss on the lips.

Seongwoo kisses back.

They separate for a moment, to looks at each other — and then they’re kissing again, this time, deeper. Seongwoo's hands collect the fabric of his jacket

When they finally separate, Seongwoo says; “For the record, being good at kissing does not give you extra points, but it’s allowed. You’re still on probation period.”

“That’s fine.” Daniel says; “Probation is still a second chance, right? That’s pretty darn good by my book.”

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This is very long. I am very aware of that, but I do not control the fic. the fic controls me.


End file.
